…A band breakup, that is. When your favorite musical group parts ways or retires, a very real grieving process starts to take place. And darn it, you should grieve. You know who isn’t sad when their favorite band goes away? Robots, and no one else.
Anyway, here are the 5 stages of grief seen through the lens of a band breakup.
- Denial. Do you find yourself saying, “REMluvr67 must be misinformed. What does the moderator of an R.E.M. fan message board know about R.E.M. breaking up??” If so, you’re in denial. Don’t worry, this won’t last; the band frontperson will confirm the rumors soon enough. All you have to do at this stage is go about your day until the official news sources start reporting the band’s demise.
- Anger. How dare the artist in question do this to you? Doesn’t he/she/they know that you NEED THEIR MUSIC TO SURVIVE? They clearly must not have considered the consequences to you personally. Jerks. You should boycott the fan message boards and temporarily stop listening to their music in protest.
- Bargaining. Incessantly inundate the band’s official Twitter feed with requests for one last show. Inform the Internet ether that you’ll donate your kidney if they’ll just do one last studio album. Yell at the Internet about it all you want. You’re going through something here, and if your friends care about you, they’ll listen. (Or ignore you. You’ll never know–it’s the Internet.) After your 50th tweet or 8th status update (whichever comes first), let yourself fall into step 4:
- Depression. Make a playlist of the band’s saddest songs. Title it “END OF THE WORLD” and listen on repeat. Curl up on your bed clutching one of their albums, sobbing “whyyy??” over and over. Feel sorry for yourself. Wallow. Wear sweatpants. Eat ice cream. Don’t shower. Maybe take a mental health day. Make sure to put a cap on how long you allow yourself to do this, though; maybe make it a long weekend.
- Acceptance. This one takes some doing, and it’s the hardest, but it’s also the most gratifying. After you’ve handled your depression, set aside a block of time to hold a vigil. Collect all your band memorabilia in one comfortable and private place, invest in a killer pair of headphones, and make sure everyone knows you’re not to be interrupted. (Also, if you’re inclined to wear eye makeup usually, maybe don’t during the vigil. You’ll want to be sob-proof.) Listen to their entire discography in order, taking time to remember all the times in your life that each song/album got you through. Remember the first time you saw them live. Remember the bad breakup that had you crying onto their metaphorical shoulder as you listened to that one song on repeat. Remember the happiest they’ve ever made you. Bring up the memories methodically, allow them to take you back to each moment in succession, and live briefly in the emotion of those moments. Smile. Cry. Breathe deeply. Write, if you’re so inclined. And then remind yourself that you’ll always have those memories, and the music that scored them.
And if that fails, tell yourself they weren’t that great anyway. Sniff.